WASHINGTON D.C. – As of 8 a.m Eastern Standard Time, the polls are not looking good for Hillary Clinton as President of The United States of America in 2016. Hillary Clinton, once a top pick for the upcoming Presidential elections, has seen her popularity dropping since the introduction of a new contender on the political scene – Grocery List.
“Grocery List has what it takes to be a true leader!” Amanda Jackson said. Amanda Jackson is the spokesperson for Grocery List for President Political Action Committee, otherwise known as GLPAC . “Grocery List is efficient. Grocery List is right. Grocery List doesn’t waste time with useless chatter and gets straight to the point. Hillary Clinton is a baggy sack of boob flesh while Grocery List is fit, ordered, and attractive. Grocery List has everything America needs. Grocery List for President in 2016!”
“Grocery List wants to feed the starving people of America.” Said Jane Wallace, a member of GLPAC. “Grocery List understands that these are hard times economically, and that we must put what is most important in order. Not only is Grocery List a smart shopper when it comes to want people need the most, but Grocery List also allows for some fun time with the cereal agenda. Of course agenda number four is hidden. Any good agenda must have it’s secrets to help it bring order and control over the masses. I hope Grocery List imprisons everyone that doesn’t live their life the way I want them to live their lives.”
Grocery List’s agenda is listed as:
- “CER”. The word is popularly guessed at being “CEREAL”.
- Possibly an “N” word. Almost completely obscured behind cash money.
Grocery List has it’s fair share of conspiracy theorists who claim that too much of the list is obscured by cash, which is possibly proof of a political bribe. These people need to get over it and stop hating capitalism and the freedoms our country enjoys through the private market system. These are probably the same people that want to remove God from our schools and currency. Ignore them and continue consuming as if nothing happened.
Not everyone considers Grocery List to be the best pick for the upcoming elections.
“Grocery list is an animal abuser.” People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, also known as PETA, recently released a press statement on the results of the poll. “Grocery List seeks out to steal the mothers milk straight from the mouths of her innocent babies. PETA will continue to oppose Grocery List until milk is removed from the second agenda.”
“How would you like it if someone squished your children to drink their vital juices?” Said John Anderson, spokes person for People for the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables. “One of the greatest crimes of humanity is the mistreatment of our beloved vegetable brothers and sisters. They are always being farmed, maimed, and even boiled alive! Grocery List’s very first agenda is the genocide of our vegetable friends. Grocery List must be stopped.”
Many Republicans and Tea Party members showed dismay with the current polling.
“I don’t see tea bags on Grocery List’s agenda.” Said John Doe, a member of The Tea Party. “I hate Hillary Clinton, but I hate Grocery List even more. Grocery list hates America even more than our atheist, communist, Islamist, terrorist usurper Muhammad Ali Barrack Hussein Ali bin Laden Obama. Grocery List puts milk and juice at the top of the agenda but True Patriotic Christian Conservatives™ know that this is just a lie. Grocery List isn’t a Real American™ because only Real Americans™ drink juice and milk. Grocery List wants to be the next boy king by making cereal the next agenda. Grocery List wants to ban Count Chocula and replace him with communist twigs and sticks in a bowl of muddy water to starve our children for being True Lovers of American Freedom™. If I had to choose between Grocery List or Hillary Clinton I would chose Ronald Reagan.”
Boogerhook.com went out of it’s way to ensure that any positive comments about Hillary Clinton were not printed in this article for the well being of True American Citizens™ everywhere. Boogerhook.com is fair and balanced. Boogerhook.com supports the presidency of Grocery List in 2016.
Do it for the children.