Fred Phelps dreams big

Westboro Baptist Church planning to picket Fred Phelps’ funeral

TOPEKA, KANSAS –  Nathan Phelps announced to the press today that Westboro Baptist Church co-founder Fred Phelps Sr. is on his deathbed at Midland Hospice house in Topeka, Kansas. Nathan Phelps, a son of Fred Phelps, left the infamous Kansas church more than 30 years ago and has since advocated for same-sex causes.

Fred Phelps dreams big
Fred Phelps dreams big

Conspiracy theorists claim that Westboro Baptist Church are planning to picket Fred Phelps’ funeral, but are afraid to announce such plans to the public to avoid more bad press for the already unpopular group.

“I’m not sure how I feel about this. Terribly ironic that his devotion to his god ends this way. Destroyed by the monster he made.” Nathan Phelps commented on Facebook. “I feel sad for all the hurt he’s caused so many. I feel sad for those who will lose the grandfather and father they loved. And I’m bitterly angry that my family is blocking the family members who left from seeing him, and saying their good-byes.”

Why would Westboro Baptists picket the funeral of their Pastor? Fred Phelps may have come out of the closet to his closest family members.

Conspiracy theories have also leaked that Fred Phelps is currently dying from complications of the AIDS virus from one or more of his male partners. The conspiracy theories also include a death bed confession of Fred Phelps’ trysts with male lovers he referred to as “My stallions”.

Anita Tippets commented on Facebook that “I knew these people were militant about homosexuals, but I never would have imagined they would turn against their founder for coming out, surely not so much as to picket a funeral they’re actually at.”

“God hates quitters. Death is no excuse for not carrying on WBC’s message.” Martin Woodhall said. “Phelps’ male partner, who wishes not to be named, urged the government to allow same-sex interracial marriage across all US states so that others do not have to hide their suffering behind such facades in future.”

Some people have proven to be skeptical of the conspiracy theories.

“This article is absolute bull smack!” Said the writer of this article, Jeremy Martin. “I’m just making this shit up as I go along so I can get my fifteen minutes of fame. Most people will read the headline and think its a fact, then they will go online and share and discuss the headline without reading a single bit of the article. Not a single one of them will ask for references, or citations, or anything for that matter. All that matters is that the headline appeases their ego.”

“Did I mention that I also do it for the free beer and the loose women?” Jeremy Martin added.

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This article was an Absurd Parody Satire

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