LARGE HADRON COLLIDER. GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Advancing human understanding of physical laws, The Large Hadron Collider is the world’s largest and most powerful particle collider ever built by mankind. Originally built to discover why particles have mass, scientists were shocked by the results of experimentation – scientifically proving the existence of God!
“It is absolutley amazing what we have discovered using this high-technology” Francine Nadine, a Doctor of Physics said excitedly. “Never in all my years of college would I have ever guessed that I would be part of the team that finally answered the greatest question man has ever asked: Does God really exist?” Dr. Nadine lifted her eyes to the sky, visible tears running down her cheeks. “The answer is: YES!” She laughed excitedly as she repeated herself. “The answer is definitely, without a doubt, yes.”
Dr. Nadine took Booger Hook investigative reporters on an exclusive tour of The Large Hadron Collider, which is located between the borders of Switzerland and France.
“I used to be an outspoken atheist antagonizing and mocking religious beliefs of all kinds, most especially American style Conservative Christianity.” Dr. Nadine said as she hung her head in apologetic shame. “I was arrogant and I secretly hated the existence of God. I now know the foolishness of my ways, and I beg forgiveness from God and His True followers.” She directed our attention to a rather large computer monitor in her laboratory office. “This image was all the evidence I needed to know that The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the True God and Creator of the Cosmos.”
“See these strands in the Higgs Boson?” Dr. Nadine said as she used a laser pointer to circle them. “They are actually uncooked pasta noodles. Look closely, notice the stiffness in them? At first we were not sure about this, so we decided to introduce boiling dihydrogen monoxide to the results of the collision and found that the strands became al dente at exactly ten minutes of the experiment.” She rubbed her belly and licked her lips with great enthusiasm. “They were delicious!”
Upon reading the results of the Higgs Boson noodle experiment, the owner of Boogerhook.com was touched by His Noodly Appendage and immediately converted from antagonistic atheism to pious Pastafarianism – Ramen!