Palin announces Presidential bid, Clinton falling in polls

WASSILLA, ALASKA – Former Governor and Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced her bid for the Republican Presidential candidacy today in her home town. Thousands of people were there to show support and celebrate her many accomplishments as a politician, commentator and author.

palin
May the fifth be with you

“Jinkies golly gosh, who would like to vote this soccer mom into The White House?” Governor Palin said to uproarious applause. “With the will of God, and our True American Voters, I will represent the Executiving interests of our great Christian country!”

Within hours of Palin’s announcement public opinion polls turned upside down. What once showed a strong Hillary Clinton lead swiftly turned into a strong Sarah Palin lead.

“The real citizens of this country know that I am the right person for the job. My qualificationations and experincities are quite extenisivising.” Palin said in a telephone interview. “Anyone who is any-who can read the results of that poll thingy and see the truthiness of it and stuff.”

Hillary Clinton doubled down on herself in a private response

“I know that nobody on this planet considers BOOGERHOOK.COM to be a serious publication, so I will monologue my diabolical plans for your douche bag followers; If you think I am going to lay down and take it from that bimbo barbie bitch then you don’t know me.” Hillary pulled a fifth of Southern Comfort from behind her, took three massive gulps and then slammed the bottle on her desk. “I’ll cut a bitch! As God as my witness I will cunt punt her back to her Igloo in Bumfuck Alaskastan.”

“I know” mused Hillary as she stroked her peach fuzz mustache “I will Benghazi her ass!” All of her aids gasped in horror. They knew full well that “Benghazi” is the word Hillary uses when she slowly tortures and sacrifices True American Christians to the devil for political power and longevity of life. “GET BACK TO WORK YOU PUKES!” Hillary screamed. Her aids immediately returned to looking as busy as possible to avoid being sacrificed as well.

“I can see the liquor store from my house” Palin said snorting and laughing. “I promise that I will impeach Iran and invade Obama…oh my stars… Did I mix that up like a rum and coke?”

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Palin announces Presidential bid, Clinton falling in polls”

      1. Just another neo-fascist right wing nationalist that can’t tell their left from their right. Nazis were a RIGHT wing political movement. They stuck “Socialist” to take the stink off of the Bier Hall Putsch. The instant they confused enough people to overthrow the Weimar Republic, they knifed all the members of the ACTUAL Socialist party (The Democrat Socialist party) and outlawed Unions. Just like the right wing Nationalist party of the United States. Bufoon.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Yes absurd and not at all funny. There has to be some basis in reality for this sort of satire to work. You showed only ignorance. Palin is a thoughtful and decent woman…I hope she runs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. True ! Hillary does not have the great Character traits of Palin. Palin beats Hillary in any arena ! She is honest, extremely intelligent and her husband doesn’t carry cigars around, just in case !

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Note the attached poll only gives you two choices, both of which are a vote for Palin. No matter which one you chose you vote for Palin. So all votes are in favor of Palin since Hillary was excluded from the selection.

      Like

  2. It was very well done. Palin is a walking parody of human beings. She shows “great character”? When she’s not posting rambling, drunken videos and her family starts a drunken brawl while her daughter gets knocked up. The “family values” card isn’t even in her deck.
    She has earned the title “Quitter -in-Chief”.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LOL…. But I am sure there will soon be that faint, well known whiff of Sarah Palin ‘pontificating’ again – as only she can…She just does not go away. She’s like dried dog crap. You know what I am talking about…. when you are mowing grass and you happen to see a pile of dried up dog crap in your path. You think to yourself, ‘now do I shut the mower off, retrieve a shovel and move the pile of dog crap?”….. After a moment or two of deep contemplation you decide: ‘Nah, it’s dried up, has been, no harm… it’s ALMOST dried up and will soon be gone. No danger at this stage. So, you go on about your innocent task at hand.. You chose to mow over it – much like the ant mounds you sling into obliteration throughout your yard…motor and blade whirring .you intend to do the same with the pile of CRAP, converting it into instant dried-up dog CRAP shrapnel – never to contend with again….. Ah— but NO SUCH LUCK….. JUST as you ‘slice’ the top off the pile of seemingly harmless, powerless dog CRAP— the STENCH is still just as foul as ever…..only now it ATTRACTS even MORE FLIES…. CRAP eating flies…… — So there you have it folks… my analogy of Sarah Palin and her followers/supporters of crap eating flies….Just when we think she has dried up and faded away, the STENCH is back….and… coming soon to a podium or camera near you….  

    Like

This article was an Absurd Parody Satire

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s